Analyzing men

Some therapists will tell their women patients that they should only focus on their feelings and not try to analyze the men they are having problems with. I don't agree. I think it is very beneficial for women to understand the psychological dynamics of the men they are in love with.
The first reason is that it helps a woman understand that a man's rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally but be more about his own personal issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with and who is in love with him to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping your understand the psychological dynamics of a man you're in love with, and insist you just discuss you're issues and feelings are being controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling