Analyzing men

Some therapists will tell their women patients that they should only focus on their feelings and not try to analyze the men they are having problems with. I don't agree. I think it is very beneficial for women to understand the psychological dynamics of the men they are in love with.
The first reason is that it helps a woman understand that a man's rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally but be more about his own personal issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with and who is in love with him to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping your understand the psychological dynamics of a man you're in love with, and insist you just discuss you're issues and feelings are being controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling

Be the one who got away

When you're in a situation with a man that you're instinct tells you is hurtful - leave!
Trying to reason with a man who has intimacy , commitment or hatred of women issues,
who's in the process of pushing you away, is a total waste of time. Once a man has it in his mind that he needs to distance because of his own anxiety, panic, terror or hatred,he will do whatever he has to, to create distance. He may say something so rejecting or hurtful that you may never forget or recover from it. But if you leave when you initially feel offended or hurt, it will just be a flesh wound. If he has the emotional capacity to have and sustain a relationship despite his need to distance he will contact you later to try and repair the mess he made. But dont cling or act needy . Just disappear.
It's in my clinical experience from my working with men as patients that men remember women who just disappear( move on) differently than women who cling or pursue them. Even if the man was the one to cause the break up or provoke her to leave, he will sometimes think about her with regret and longing and ruminate about if he made the right decision. Sometimes he thinks of her as the woman who got away and suffers over his self destructive behavior!

Don't Call That Man during a bad economy

If you've been hit by the bad economy
Don’t Call That Man!

If you're nervous about losing your job, have been laid off, lost money in your investments or your 401k,
this is not the time to cave and call your ex or a man you've decided to let go of!
WHY?
What if your call with him upsets or even devastates you and then you have to cope with an extra problem?
What if he tells you he's with someone else ?
What if he blows you off?
What if he acts warm and supportive and then you still have to just say good bye because you're not together anymore? You'll have to start the process of detaching all over again.
You don't want to end up having more problems than you started out with.
Instead focus on you and your present financial challenges, work or career.
Don't use him as a "fix" to distract you.
Utilize your friends, colleagues and family for emotional support.
Be proactive
Think positively, and
Don't Call That Man!