spoof/review of Don't Call That Man! from the Boston Globe 2000- VERY FUNNY/VERY ENTERTAINING
by DIANE WHITE
Emma Bovary sighs. She weeps. Rodolphe, the love of her life, has deserted her. She must have him or die.
What's this?
A book has arrived in the post. "Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide to Letting Go."
Emma doesn't recall requesting this book. Yet the author's oddly euphonious name, Rhonda Findling, resonates. Did she perhaps write any of those forbidden romantic novels Emma devoured so many years ago at her convent school?
Emma has time to kill. She opens the book and reads:
"Sheila, an attractive 27-year-old computer programmer, sat in her apartment staring at the telephone. She yearned to call Tony, a handsome life insurance agent she had been dating for the past six months."
Oh Sheila, I know your pain, thinks Emma, I, too, yearn to call the man I love, even though the telephone won't be invented for another 40 years or so.
Emma reads on and learns that Sheila's heart sank when Tony said he didn't "see himself" marrying her.
Cruel Tony! Cruel Rodolphe!
"Now Sheila felt alone and desperate. She wanted to be with Tony on any terms. . . she couldn't bear the thought of life without him."
Emma feels faint and throws herself onto a nearby divan. However, just prior to falling into a serious swoon, she picks up the book again and turns to another chapter. After answering a series of probing questions posed by the author, Emma comes to realize that she has turned to Rodolphe, a classic "ambivalent man" type, because she is the victim of inadequate fathering.
I am a victim, says Emma to herself. I have always suspected as much. She reads on.
"Whenever there is a loss, you have to feel the pain of the loss," Rhonda Findling advises.
Emma learns that she must get in touch with her grief and give herself permission to experience her pain. She howls and weeps and rolls on the Turkish carpet and beats her tiny fists against the cold, hard plaster walls.
After an hour or so of refusing to deny her pain, Emma feels much better. Now what?
Emma turns once again to the book and reads about the crucial importance of having a network of understanding friends. She decides to start a "Don't Call That Man!" support group for literary figures in similar straits. Anna Karenina is the first to join. Tess Durbeyfield comes around, and brings Scarlett O'Hara.
"Hester Prynne wanted to be here but she couldn't get a sitter," Tess tells Emma.
Together they work through the "Don't Call That Man!" 10-step program. Step nine, they all agree, is the most difficult. It requires each of them to keep an hour-by-hour diary describing any urges they may have to call their former lovers and how they manage to resist calling. They all agree that the total lack of telephones makes not calling a lot easier than it might be otherwise.
Emma and Anna, Tess and Scarlett consider Findling's suggestions for self-nurturing. This is a very important part of the healing process, Findling writes. Go to Paris. Get your hair done. Go shopping. Go to concerts. Go off your diet and eat desserts all day long. Go to the movies. They decide to do it all, even go to the movies, as soon as someone invents them.
In Paris, Emma has an idea. "Let's get a literary agent and write no-holds-barred, tell-all memoirs for big money," she says.
And so they do, and they live happily ever after.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Being friendly with your ex
published by Hollywoodlife.com - where I was interviewed about being friendly with your ex
Are YOU friends with any of your exes? Or do you just pretend to be – and get insanely jealous with you see him with his new girlfriend?
We’ve got to hand it to Terri Seymour, the girl is one cool cucumber. Exhibit A – witness her laid-back behavior around ex-boyfriend Simon Cowell , 50 (who she has to INTERVIEW for her show, Extra, by the way – such an indignity!), but the way she actually hugs his new girlfriend, make-up artist Mezghan Hussainy, 36? Astounding!
But how does Terri really, 36, really feel about her ex and Simon’s new woman? We’d be seething inside and internally visualizing pulling Mezghan’s hair! This leads us to wonder: can you ever really be best buds with your ex-love?
Lynn Harris, co-creator of Breakupgirl.net, says yes! “Sometimes you were friends all along, and that probalby was the way it was supposed to be,” she tells HollywoodLife.com. “Sometimes the relationship was based on passion, without the aspects of friendship.”
But is it a good idea to be besties with an ex-lover? We’re skeptical. “It’s nice and makes life easier,” admits Lynn. “If you run into them, you should say ‘hi’, but it’s not a judgement of your skills in a relationship if you’re not. However, if you did have a fondness for your ex and it was an OK breakup, then I can’t imagine not being civil to them.”
Rhonda Findling, psychotherapist and author of Don’t Call That Man! disagrees for normal folk – but says that celebrities often play by a different set of rules. “I don’t want to talk to anyone that ends it with me, and I certainly don’t want to meet their new girlfriend, but in Hollywood things are different. There’s no hard and fast rule here,” Rhonda tells us. “As for Terri, it’s possible that she’s faking it for the public, and she’s just trying to show that she doesn’t care. I would suggest she not talk to her ex, because it can open up a lot of feelings and wounds.”
Who needs that? What about you ladies? Are you friends with your exes, and if so, how in the heck did you manage to pull it off? Tell us your stories here!
Related Tags
Are YOU friends with any of your exes? Or do you just pretend to be – and get insanely jealous with you see him with his new girlfriend?
We’ve got to hand it to Terri Seymour, the girl is one cool cucumber. Exhibit A – witness her laid-back behavior around ex-boyfriend Simon Cowell , 50 (who she has to INTERVIEW for her show, Extra, by the way – such an indignity!), but the way she actually hugs his new girlfriend, make-up artist Mezghan Hussainy, 36? Astounding!
But how does Terri really, 36, really feel about her ex and Simon’s new woman? We’d be seething inside and internally visualizing pulling Mezghan’s hair! This leads us to wonder: can you ever really be best buds with your ex-love?
Lynn Harris, co-creator of Breakupgirl.net, says yes! “Sometimes you were friends all along, and that probalby was the way it was supposed to be,” she tells HollywoodLife.com. “Sometimes the relationship was based on passion, without the aspects of friendship.”
But is it a good idea to be besties with an ex-lover? We’re skeptical. “It’s nice and makes life easier,” admits Lynn. “If you run into them, you should say ‘hi’, but it’s not a judgement of your skills in a relationship if you’re not. However, if you did have a fondness for your ex and it was an OK breakup, then I can’t imagine not being civil to them.”
Rhonda Findling, psychotherapist and author of Don’t Call That Man! disagrees for normal folk – but says that celebrities often play by a different set of rules. “I don’t want to talk to anyone that ends it with me, and I certainly don’t want to meet their new girlfriend, but in Hollywood things are different. There’s no hard and fast rule here,” Rhonda tells us. “As for Terri, it’s possible that she’s faking it for the public, and she’s just trying to show that she doesn’t care. I would suggest she not talk to her ex, because it can open up a lot of feelings and wounds.”
Who needs that? What about you ladies? Are you friends with your exes, and if so, how in the heck did you manage to pull it off? Tell us your stories here!
Related Tags
Thursday, August 27, 2009
My new self-published memoir is on Amazon
Getting your book on Amazon as a self-published author was so confusing. The way to go was with the Amazon Advantage program. The problem is they give you the intructions on Amazon seemed to be addressed for publishers with years of experience. Thrilled that my self-published book was finally going to be on Amazon - I was ready to ship it to wherever Amazon is - in Amazon land, wherever that is. However, the instructions on the order page were so complicated that I could not figure out what they were talking about. If you call Amazon customer service, they cannot help you because they have nothing to do with the Amazon Advantage program so they send you an email with instructions. The emails sent from Amazon Advantage could not answer my questions at all. I almost begged the people at the Amazon Customer Service to help me even though they weren't part of the Advantage office. They were very empathetic and kind but they still could not help me because they were in the customer service office. This was one of the most frustrating experiences I've encountered since I've been an author in the publishing industry in the past 18 years.
It wasn't until my assistant Margarita came over and we both figured it out together - YAY! They were basically asking me to send one copy of my book to some warehouse in Kentucky - why couldn't they just say that?? So we sent it and I'm hoping that my memoir will be ready to be sold on Amazon shortly.
Stay tuned. Please read my daily updates on twitter http://twitter.com/RhondaDCTM.
It wasn't until my assistant Margarita came over and we both figured it out together - YAY! They were basically asking me to send one copy of my book to some warehouse in Kentucky - why couldn't they just say that?? So we sent it and I'm hoping that my memoir will be ready to be sold on Amazon shortly.
Stay tuned. Please read my daily updates on twitter http://twitter.com/RhondaDCTM.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Setbacks
It's okay to have setbacks now and then. The trick is to not fall all the way back wards when you have the setback. It's like an alcoholic who's sober and takes a drink. Okay so she takes one drink- the trick is to not go on a bender. Just start counting days again. If you stay away from the person you're trying to get over, you eventually get over them. It's human nature. The brain's memory traces start to erode. That why they say time heals all wounds.
Insanity
Sometimes getting over someone you love, or have deep romantic feelings for is one of the hardest things imaginable. That's why stories about love and loss have existed in literature movies music art throughout civilization.They're universal stories. Everyone can relate. Two movies on my my book recommendation list, Camille Claudell , and The Story of Adele H are true stories and foreign films about women from the 1800s. Both women in different circumstances went insane over the loss of a man. Unfortunately in those days they didnt have self help books, 12 step programs, message boards, antidepressants and psychotherapy as advanced as it is now. Sometimes you have to fight for your sanity which is why it's good not to talk to the person you're trying to let go of if you don't have to.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Analyzing men
Some therapists will tell their women patients that they should only focus on their feelings and not try to analyze the men they are having problems with. I don't agree. I think it is very beneficial for women to understand the psychological dynamics of the men they are in love with.
The first reason is that it helps a woman understand that a man's rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally but be more about his own personal issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with and who is in love with him to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping your understand the psychological dynamics of a man you're in love with, and insist you just discuss you're issues and feelings are being controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling
The first reason is that it helps a woman understand that a man's rejecting or distancing behavior may have nothing to do with her personally but be more about his own personal issues that he's projecting onto her. For instance if he had a mother who was too enmeshed with him when he was a child, he may feel engulfed in a relationship with a woman and distance from her whenever he feels himself getting too close. Or if a man has been rejected and hurt by unavailable women he could be sadistic and reject a woman who he has a connection with and who is in love with him to get her to feel how much pain he has been in with women in the past- this is known as projective identification. This kind of behavior can be very damaging/ sadistic and is tremendously helpful for a woman to understand it rather than take it personally.
Having an understanding of these kind of psychological dynamics can be very empowering and freeing.
It's also important to understand if you are repeating patterns with men. For instance, if you realize that you are dating men with narcissistic features, than understanding these dynamics could give you insight into yourself so that you don't keep making the same choices.
It's in my opinion that when therapists don't want to spend time helping your understand the psychological dynamics of a man you're in love with, and insist you just discuss you're issues and feelings are being controlling and withholding.
Rhonda Findling
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Be the one who got away
When you're in a situation with a man that you're instinct tells you is hurtful - leave!
Trying to reason with a man who has intimacy , commitment or hatred of women issues,
who's in the process of pushing you away, is a total waste of time. Once a man has it in his mind that he needs to distance because of his own anxiety, panic, terror or hatred,he will do whatever he has to, to create distance. He may say something so rejecting or hurtful that you may never forget or recover from it. But if you leave when you initially feel offended or hurt, it will just be a flesh wound. If he has the emotional capacity to have and sustain a relationship despite his need to distance he will contact you later to try and repair the mess he made. But dont cling or act needy . Just disappear.
It's in my clinical experience from my working with men as patients that men remember women who just disappear( move on) differently than women who cling or pursue them. Even if the man was the one to cause the break up or provoke her to leave, he will sometimes think about her with regret and longing and ruminate about if he made the right decision. Sometimes he thinks of her as the woman who got away and suffers over his self destructive behavior!
Trying to reason with a man who has intimacy , commitment or hatred of women issues,
who's in the process of pushing you away, is a total waste of time. Once a man has it in his mind that he needs to distance because of his own anxiety, panic, terror or hatred,he will do whatever he has to, to create distance. He may say something so rejecting or hurtful that you may never forget or recover from it. But if you leave when you initially feel offended or hurt, it will just be a flesh wound. If he has the emotional capacity to have and sustain a relationship despite his need to distance he will contact you later to try and repair the mess he made. But dont cling or act needy . Just disappear.
It's in my clinical experience from my working with men as patients that men remember women who just disappear( move on) differently than women who cling or pursue them. Even if the man was the one to cause the break up or provoke her to leave, he will sometimes think about her with regret and longing and ruminate about if he made the right decision. Sometimes he thinks of her as the woman who got away and suffers over his self destructive behavior!
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